Cheat River Canoeing

Thanks Team Bear Mace for not getting me dumped into the Cheat River this past weekend. I was a little skeptical considering our alcohol-blood level was running dangerously low. The first time we went canoeing on Friday evening we learned that AK is not someone you’d want to put at the rudder/steering position unless you want to go in circles and not make it back home until way past dusk... and that was in a smooth as glass lake. As for me, don’t sit in front of me unless you plan on getting constantly bashed in the back of your head with my paddle... just don’t get me so fugged up next time. More beer, less tequila.

Our raft on Saturday was the biggest one in the whole group, and incidentally it was the raft in charge of picking up the pieces and rescue. The guide which we will fondly recall as "Otter" from now on was definitely the best in terms of steering us downstream, doing some nice tricks, and telling "entertaining" (nice mix of BS in there) stories. We got to surf a class 5 and a few other smaller hydraulics for a good bit of time on the big bitch raft. Throughout the trip we had to get 2 different groups of rafters - one got tossed and the other got pinned on a rock - and a few paddles, including a rare Norse paddle which AK spotted - a year after it was lost - wedged in some rocks on the shore. We were rewarded with beers from another touring oared raft for our rescue efforts. The first beer thrown over was off target and missed our raft, but Otter dove into the water after it and chucked it back to us promptly hitting Seth square on his frontal lobe... good thing he had a helmet on. From my angle, I could see Seth eyes locked in with a confused look as Ironcity Sam lunged towards him - to intercept the beer - but he never saw the incoming can. Without hesitation, Doug dove into the water after the can bounced off Seth’s head... the can was still in the air when he jumped. Good times and entertainment for everyone else out on the water.

Don’t ask about the bear mace unless you want to see what mace in fire extinguisher form is all about. I was a little disappointed in not conducting a flammability test with it.